Shit happens

Shit happens and shit happened to me why can’t you see that this is my reality?
I know what was supposed to be, I know what God intended for me but I know what life now is for me. I dreamed like she did, you know, a husband and some kids, white picket fence, maybe a Benz. Celebrating graduations, proms, and first dates, wondering when the kids will get home, broken curfews and punishing them for staying out late. Me and him growing old together and braving nights of stormy weather but guess what, shit happened. Oh, believe me I tried, I cried as I walked down the aisle, said I do, and made promises cause I knew that was what I was supposed to do.
I know my bible, I read like you do. I realize though now I’m able to do what you can’t do
And that’s not judge or criticize, but realize that sometimes, Shit happens
Damn!! I’m 33 yrs old crying at night because you don’t care to understand or even want to try. Do you ever wonder why?
Did it ever cross your mind that the decision wasn’t mine and I’m jus playin the cards I was dealt? Hell, I know right from wrong. I know what’s supposed to be, what do I do when it’s just not me? I asked myself every day, will God still love me.
I struggle to live each day but I have to listen to what “society” has to say.
Because no one cares to understand, in all my pain I venture out every day and pretend I’m proud to be what I am. But it’s what I am not who I am.
Yeah I stick my chest out like a man because I too have a plan, and that plan is just to make it through the day. I get lonely though. I need love too so when I want to run to you, I know all I got is her and she understands my pain. Yeah it is insane, she got what I got… how the hell does that happen?
I cry as I watch this woman grab his hand, hold him close and make future plans.
I’ve prayed to be her but all I got is this. Do you see my pain? Do you care to understand?
Trust me, I love a man; hard body, strong spirit and soul, proud and bold a protector at heart. He has the ability to lie inside, set aside all pride and even shed a tear as he makes love and that’s passion I’ve never known. Hell I’m grown and I cry everyday but you’ll never see me shed a tear.
Today, I’m gonna put on my heels, my push up bra and a tight pair of jeans,
what does it mean? I’m a woman.
Tomorrow, I’m gonna put on my baggy jeans, some timbs and a hat to the back
or maybe even cocked to the side, what does it mean? Nothing, I’m still a woman.
Please respect me, never judge me. Learn my story you’ll learn to love me.
I’m just trying to survive; I want to live like you do.
I want and need love too and in the end, I’m still a woman.
Don’t be afraid to look at me, don’t be afraid to talk to me
you may learn something new and maybe grow a little too
you may even come to the realization that sometimes
Shit happens

Mys Reign 2009